Rage rooms are meant for people to let off steam. So why are some making it about sex?

Over the last five years, a growing number of people have turned to rage rooms for unique date nights and bachelorette parties, or used them as safe outlets to release their anger. Hurling plates at a concrete wall, destroying a TV with a baseball bat or taking a hammer to a framed photo of your ex with no limits or judgment is, for many rage roomers, the cathartic release they need when feeling overwhelmed.

For some people, however, it's more than that. Owners and managers of rage rooms across the country say they have seen an emerging trend of customers engaging in sexual behaviors in their facilities. While eyebrow-raising, experts say it's not totally surprising, given the physiological link between intense emotions and sexual attraction.

In fact, the connection between aggression and sexual arousal was a hot topic for psychoanalysis founder Sigmund Freud, who believed humans are unconsciously motivated by aggressive, sexual impulses. Today, portrayals of this link can be found in pornography and in BDSM practices that explore themes of power, control and dominance, experts say. 

Corey Holtam, 33, owner of Wreck Room Las Vegas, said he has been working in the rage room industry for so long that “nothing really surprises” him anymore. 

“Every once in a while people do get a little handsy. I’ve had some customers lay down together in a room filled with broken glass, so maybe there’s a danger aspect to it,” Holtam said. “Being in that atmosphere, it’s super weird, so I think people tend to go to a primal place.”

To curb the behavior, Holtam said “we make it known that there’s a camera in the room for safety purposes,” he added.

Meanwhile, Neko Farmer, 34, founder of REKT in Carrollton, Georgia, said he sees couples engage in sexual behavior like “heavy petting and intense make-out sessions” about twice a month, “with some customers stripping down to their underwear.”

Why rage rooms might turn some people on

Both aggressive and sexual behavior activate our fight-or-flight response, which triggers the release of adrenaline, according to Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow with The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction and host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast. This is why your heart might start pounding both when being chased by a dog and when you kiss your crush for the first time. 

The innate response also increases blood flow throughout the body, including to the genitals, which may be why intense emotional states can lead to a sexual response, Lehmiller said. 

What’s likely happening inside rage rooms, however, is that people are confusing this physiological response rooted in anger or excitement with sexual arousal because they’re in a room with someone they find attractive. “In other words, when the source of arousal is ambiguous, sometimes we attribute it to the person instead of the situation,” Lehmiller said. 

It’s a classic mix-up some people experience during dates that involve physical activities like rock climbing or other energetic situations like haunted houses or amusement parks, said sex therapist Leigh Norén.

“If you look at shows like 'The Bachelor' where they often go on dates like bungee jumping, they seem to fall in love [more easily],” Norén said. “That might be a misinterpretation of these physiological markers going on in their bodies.” 

Having a safe space to wildly destroy things and allow strong emotions to run their course could also liberate some people from boundaries they’ve built that may have been repressing their sexual desires, Norén said.

“Engaging in a behavior that transgresses the boundaries we put up in society about how we’re meant to act in front of others may buffer potential sexual shame,” Norén said, “and make it easier to have sex.” 

It’s possible, too, that the strong emotions some experience in a rage room linger after the person leaves and intensify subsequent emotions, Lehmiller said.

For instance, Michael Hellmann, 30, CEO of Rage Room Long Island in New York, said his staff encountered couples engaging in sexual activity in the parking lot outside his facility.

Lehmiller said that's likely due to a phenomenon called “excitation transfer."

“If you visited a rage room with your partner and then went straight home and had sex, it’s likely that the sex would be more intense than usual due to the fact that the emotional response for the earlier situation hadn't fully cleared from your system,” Lehmiller said. 

Watching someone rage could lead to sexual arousal too

The pathways in the brain that activate when we participate in a rage room also turn on when we watch others engage in the same behavior, said Jacob Nordman, an assistant professor of physiology at the Southern Illinois University School of Medicine who studies anger and the brain. 

So watching your partner or date smash things with a bat inside a rage room could excite you from the sidelines, Nordman said. The same thing can happen when watching a sex scene in a movie, for example. 

Some may also be attracted to the dominance that radiates while people destroy things, according to Michael Aaron, a licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist. 

“They're in charge, but … they're not aggressive toward you or threatening you," Aaron said, "so you experience them in a dominant way that's safe.”

It could be gratifying as well to watch your partner do something beyond the norm or witness their much-needed emotional release after struggling to express themselves, Norén said

Is it healthy to engage in sexual intimacy if it's driven by anger?

Boundaries can always be crossed, but Norén said it’s OK to engage in sexual behaviors and activities that don’t “only have positive reasons behind it," as long as it's consensual. (Research from 2007 actually discovered 237 different motivations for having sex, ranging from boredom to feeling closer to God.)  

“It's OK for anger to propel you towards sex as long as it's not being used to punish your partner,” she said.

That said, having sex while angry may cloud your ability to clearly communicate your wants and needs with your partner, Norén added. Establish boundaries before engaging in sexual activities, experts say, and take note of how often you and your partner have angry sex, as you don't want to establish an unhealthy pattern.